i would just like to start off saying i am not a writer and i really dont plan on anyone i ever know to read this. I have feeling a little down and lost lately and thought i would put my thoughts some where and this just so happens to be the place i chose. I am 22 years old and i have never felt so lost before in my life. I have just recently in the past few months quit my job as a flight attendant and have moved home to go back to school. i am still wondering if i have made the right choice to go back to school but i feel as if i had no other choice.
I feel like i have a lot going on in my mind right now which you can probably tell by this post. I have been single for the past 2 years. I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years i would like to say that it ended unexpectedly but it really didnt. I have moved on from this point in my life but i am emotionally fucked up from it and other things that have happened in my past (daddy issues).
By writing this little blog thing i am trying to “get my happy back.”
I cant say ive never been happy but i do remember being very unhappy at a young age. My father is Dominican and if you have any idea what some Dominican men are like you know my father… he is very short tempered and very hard to please and in a nut shell is just a miserable human being. I dont ever remember being happy when my father was around i know that is an awful thing to say but i dont and im really not sure if i have ever loved my father which is another really awful thing to say and if my mother ever reads this she will kill for saying that.
I have fallen in love once and for a very short period of time that was the happiest i have ever been in my life. I had never ever felt a love like that before so sweet and so innocent. When it all ended i was absolutely destroyed and it took me a very long time to get to a place where i could come to grips with the fact that it was over. But i will always believe that they very first love never truly dies.
So here i am years later and i am still not able to have any type of emotional connection with anyone. I have really been struggling with this lately and i have a lot of fear i am going to have this “damaged goods” feeling for the rest of my life and i am so afraid i am never going to have that feeling of love and affection again.
I dont know what to do i dont know how to “feel” again its so much easir for me to have an ice cold heart.
And that’s it for molly making herself a fool on social media tonight
Lol i really hop no one reads this i am soooooo pathetic